There are a lot of great things about Japan, like talking ATMs, bullet trains and transportation tubes similar to those seen in “Futurama”. There are also a lot of bad things, like that smell you get after you go to the bathroom.

Wait, don’t stop reading. Let me explain first. You know when your roommates have to keep the bathroom door closed because you ate too much Betos? Well, it appears Japan didn’t get the memo about white rice.

Every meal is rice, rice, rice. I made this complaint to a friend of mine, and her reply was, “Well, I guess you’re in the wrong country.” And she’s absolutely right. If you want to live in Japan, be prepared for all-you-can-eat rice. Be prepared for your bathroom to have a “unique” smell.

Japan uses rice for everything. There are rice cakes, rice wine, rice flour, rice vinegar, rice hot dogs and rice bologna. OK, so I made those last two up but you get the idea. Rice was even used as currency once upon a time.

Since living here, I’ve had six recurring nightmares about rice. It’s no laughing matter. In my sleep, I’m running frantically from a heinous rice monster while screaming, “No more, please no more.” After which, I always wake up in a cold sweat.

If the phrase “you are what you eat” is to be believed, then I’ve determined why Japanese people act and think the way they do. That’s right scientists, you can toss out years of research, because my high school diploma is telling me rice is the key to unlocking Japan’s cultural and social influences.

For example, Japanese people are extremely polite. Why? Because their main diet is rice, which hinders the cerebral cortex’s ability to produce negative thoughts. Again, high school diploma folks, I know what I’m talking about.

There’s nothing I miss more about America than rude and angry people. It’s like breathing fresh air. It’s like peanut butter on my jelly. Do you have any idea how frustrating it can be to be surrounded by friendly people all the time? It’s downright depressing.

It’s like when you go into Wal-Mart and can’t walk down an aisle because two people having a conversation are blocking the entrance. And you know their conversation isn’t even important: “So Bill, how were the chimichangas last night?” In Japan this would never happen. They don’t even have chimichangas here.

First off, I have yet to see monstrous shopping carts. Second, if two Japanese people were blocking the aisle, they would promptly move out of the way. It’s as if they’re always mindful of their surroundings. Lastly, from the time I enter the store until I leave, I’ve probably been greeted by every employee.

Would it really be too much to ask for a dirty look every once in a while? Or maybe even some profanity spouted in my face?

So to those thinking of traveling to Japan remember, rice is not your friend. Don’t give into peer pressure and consume rice at every meal. Otherwise, you’ll start to notice smells and unhealthy amounts of happiness.

Tim Russell is part of the USU Study Abroad program. Questions or comments can be sent to him at tim.russell@aggiemail.usu.edu